


To Look After One Another

by thirdsister



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Femmes Supporting Femmes, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Infertility, Loss of children, Medicine, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), frank discussion of forced sterilization, frank discussion of motherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 04:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17237834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirdsister/pseuds/thirdsister
Summary: In the wake of the events of Infinity War, two warriors discuss what they've lost and their hopes for the future. Okoye helps Natasha right a past wrong.





	To Look After One Another

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya,
> 
> This is a subject near and dear to my heart. It's something I've been thinking about since Age of Ultron. I hope I've done it justice. 
> 
> Two words of warning: this work centers around frank discussions of forced sterilization, grief, and loss of family, friends, and children. This work is also fairly Natasha centric. Okoye is one of my absolute favorite characters in the MCU and deserves to be the center a thousand stories, but I recognize that I'm not the best writer for that job. It's totally cool if that's a deal breaker for you. 
> 
> This is likely full of typos and for that I apologize.

Natasha didn’t want to intrude, but one look at Okoye and she couldn’t help it. Shoulders slumped, one hand braced against the blank wall. Grief was a physical force pulling down on her like gravity. Natasha knew that look. She knew that grief. These days everyone did. 

Nat picked up Okoye’s staff and handed it to her wordlessly. Okoye took it and nodded. Between these fearsome warriors, combat was elevated to language, to art. It allowed them articulate their losses in a way words couldn’t begin to do. Natasha unholstered her batons and the two women went outside to spar. 

How long they spun, and dogged, and blocked, and crashed their weapons together neither of them could say. They lost themselves in it. Somewhere in the middle tears had begun to flow, neither of them had noticed. Tears mixed with salt of their sweat like rivers returning to a great ocean. When they were spent the two warriors collapsed onto the earth. They say there swallowing air in greedy gulps for several minutes before Okoye spoke.

“Your shoulder is bleeding.”

“Oh, yeah. You got me good.” She was silent for a while before asking, “Do you have your final tallies?”

“Yes and no. Some, like Shuri, are still considered missing. But for most, we know. My husband is gone. My brother-in-law as well. My sister and her son survived.”

“That’s a blessing. Is your sister older or younger?”

“It is. Yes. She’s younger than me. When I was a child I’m sure I wished for her to be snapped out of existence more than once. But now knowing she and her little boy are still with us is” the words caught in her throat. Natasha nodded understanding. “Do you have siblings?”

“Only in manner of speaking. I have Clint who is like a brother to me. He made it, but I can’t get back in touch with him. I was Aunt Natasha to his daughter and sons. Now I’m Aunt Natasha to dust.”

“I suppose that is a comfort. For everything we’ve lost, the entire universe lost together. No one is untouched by this.”  
A comfortable silence fell over them. Natasha thought about mentioning T’Challa and how beautifully he had described the Wakandan belief in the afterlife to her after his father’s passing. How it gave her comfort to think of her friends that way, even though she didn’t quite believe in an afterlife of any kind herself. She decided against it. In the distance they could see the Queen’s procession. Her grace and strength was palpable even from their vantage point. She had lost so much more than most, but she was still standing. The regal older woman could be warm and welcoming and tougher than steel at the same time, a true leader. 

Okoye let out a sigh, “To lose your children. My heart aches for her.”

“I can’t imagine what that must be like.”

“That’s the thing, one of the things, that frightens me about motherhood. The idea of loving someone so much and losing them.”

“You don’t strike me as the kind of person who lets fear stop her from doing anything.”

Okoye grinned, “I suppose you’re right. I still don’t know if it’s the path I want to choose. If I do, though, I think I would like to adopt a child. One who isn’t likely to find a home.” 

A smile bloomed on Natasha’s lips, but quickly wilted when she remembered how many orphans had likely been created the moment Thanos had snapped his fingers. “That kid would be very lucky to have you.”

“Does the Black Widow wish for children?” Okoye asked playfully.

“It’s not an option for me.”

Okoye only raised an eyebrow and inclined her head indicating Natasha should continue. “Adopting isn’t an option for an international fugitive. And I can’t have biological children. When I was a teenager I was forcibly sterilized by the organization that trained me.”

Okoye swore under her breath and dug her spear into the ground. “I’m sorry that was done against your will. If it could be reversed, would you want it to be?”

“If it were possible, sure. I still don’t know if I would have kids if I could. I’m still grappling with some of the things I did in my past. But yeah, I’d like to have the option. I’d like it be my choice to make.”

“Get up.”

“Hmm?”

“Get up. Shower and get dressed and we are going to see a friend of mine.”

In the time it had taken Natasha to blink, Okoye had already turned and headed on her way. Natasha followed obediently behind. Okoye wasted no time and suffered no fools. Natasha knew better than to argue.

 

As it turned out, Okoye’s friend, Wangari, was a highly venerated physician. A slender elegant woman with silver hair and a kind smile. Natasha could tell by the way Wangari enveloped her in a warm embrace upon their arrival in the med bay that she had likely known Okoye since her childhood. They spoke to each other in Wakandan, their voices resonating with affection, before Wangari turned her attention to Natasha. 

“So, miss Natasha, go on have a seat.” Natasha obeyed, “Okoye tells me you were subject to sterilization some years ago and you’d like to see if it can be reversed.”

“Yes, Dr. Wangari, I would, if it’s possible.”

“Well it’s certainly possible to check! Can you tell what you know about the procedure performed on you?”

“It was done when I was a teenager. The people who did it weren’t big proponents of transparency, but to my knowledge there was a complete removal of the fallopian tubes and they did something to the uterus. It’s intact, I believe, but since the procedure I don’t menstruate as heavily. It still hurts likes bitch though.”

Wangari smiled. “We’ll likely find some scar tissue then. I’m glad Okoye persuaded you to come see me. Did she tell you this is why I got into medicine?”

“No, she was a little light one details” Wangari threw a look at Okoye who shrugged sheepishly. Had Natasha not seen it with her own eyes she would not believed Okoye had ever looked sheepish in her life. 

“In my younger years, I was a spy like you. I was stationed in the United States in the 1970s where I witnessed American doctors, doctors who swore an oath to do no harm, performing forced sterilizations on women of color, on the poor, the disabled. The injustice of it sickened me. I couldn’t stay a spy, watching and doing nothing. I came home, I became a doctor. I dedicated my life to assisting people in taking control of their own bodies and live the healthy lives they choose.”

“Thank you for sharing that with me and for agreeing to see me.” She fought the lump that had formed in her throat. Wangari’s warm gaze met her own. She gently took her hand.

“My pleasure. I’m going to give you an exam and assess exactly what has been done to you and then we’ll discuss your options moving forward. But first, my speech.”  
Natasha raised her eyebrows quizzically before turning to Okoye. 

“You’ll want to listen to this. Wangari is famous for her pep talks.”

“Hush child. Natasha, I have been doing this work since before you were born. I have treated people from all walks of life, all across the gender spectrum. I have had more patients that I can count and do you know what was true about each and every one of them?”

“No, I couldn’t guess.”

“None of them, not a single one was broken. All of them deserved to make their own choices about their bodies and each and every one of them, regardless of diagnosis was worth loving. Some of them were pains in my ass, but each and every one was worth loving.

What happened against your will is terrible and I will do my best to undo it, but you need to know that it may not be possible. Even if it is not, you must know you are not broken. You are not less than. What makes you human that is your heart and your mind. Everything else is trimmings. You must also know that even if we can reverse what was done to you, it won’t erase the trauma you experienced. It won’t quiet the storm raging in your heart. That is work you must yourself. Only you can.” Natasha couldn’t speak, hot tears were forming behind her eyes. She could only bring herself to nod in affirmation. The wise older woman smiled and squeezed her hand.

“Good. Let’s get to the exam then. Follow me.”

Wangari led them down the hall to an exam room with a device which looked like a sonogram machine, but was clearly more high tech than any Natasha had seen in the outside world. 

“You don’t have to stay for this,” she whispered to Okoye.

“I know. But this isn’t something one does alone.”

As the exam began, Okoye stood near Natasha’s shoulders. Occupying her with a discussion of preferred weaponry. It was the chattiest either women had been and it was a welcome distraction. The exam was over what seemed like hardly any time at all.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I have some good news. It looks to be a fairly easily reversible procedure. Well, easy for me. Impossible for most doctors outside of Wakanda, but that’s to be expected” She smiled to herself, “The tubes are gone, but the ovaries are intact and in good condition. We’ll need to insert synthetic tubes. We can do that easily with two relatively small incisions. It will mean putting you under and you will have some abdominal discomfort-“

“Pain. She means pain”

“Hush you. You will have some discomfort while you heal and you will have to rest for at LEAST a week. No kicking, no punching, no back flips. There is also some significant uterine scarring. We should be able to remove it with nanites. Removing the scar tissue should ease some of the pain you experience during menstruation. We’ll have to monitor your progress after the scar tissue is removed. Your body may need help producing sufficient uterine lining, but it’s impossible to tell until the scar tissue is removed. The process should take 2-3 hours give or take. The risks are minimal, but every surgery risks complications.

So, now it’s up to you. Do you want to proceed with the surgery? I can leave you a few minutes to think, if you’d like.”

“I’m ready. Let’s do it.”

 

Natasha awoke some hours later in a comfortable recovery room. Sun streamed in through the window to her right. To her left, Okoye was nestled in the room’s only chair reading what looked to be a holopad. She had stayed. This woman who owed her nothing. Who certainly had better things to do. She had stayed so Natasha wouldn’t wake up alone in a strange place. Natasha’s iron heart turned to molten metal at the thought. Gratitude slammed against her ribs like a blacksmith’s hammer. 

“Ah, you’re awake.” She put the holopad down and came to stand at Natasha’s bedside. Natasha tried to sit up and winced. 

“Ooph, there’s the discomfort Dr. Wangari warned me about.”

“She’ll be back soon with some very strong pain killers. And a lecture about not ripping your stitches” 

“I take it you have received and ignored this lecture in the past.”

“I may be the reason this lecture exists in the first place,” pride crept into her voice as she spoke.

Natasha laughed and winced again. “So I can add comedy shows to the list of things I can’t do for a while.”

“Your suffering truly knows no bounds.”

Natasha smiled. “Thank you, Okoye. I owe you a debt I can never repay.”

Okoye nodded thoughtfully. “This wasn’t just for you. It is what T’Challa would have done and it is what Shuri would have done. Doing this allows me to feel closer to them. To honor their memories.”

“Shuri did love fixing broken people.”

Okoye grinned at the memory, “You were not broken. But as Shuri would say, ‘Just because something works does not mean it cannot be improved’”

Natasha dragged herself upright despite the pain. She reached out and pulled Okoye into a hug. Okoye stiffened at first and then returned the embrace. 

“Thank you. Thank you for everything.” Natasha whispered as she released her.

Okoye patted her shoulder. “Do something for me in return.”

“Name it.”

“Avenge the people we have lost. Find Thanos and kill him. Slowly, if possible.”

Natasha fixed Okoye with a steely gaze, “I’ll do it,” she swore, “or I’ll die trying.”

**Author's Note:**

> You made it to the end! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Dr. Wangari is an original character named after scientist-environmental activist-Nobel Laureate-all around badass Professor Wangari Maathai. If you don't know her, you should. (Side note, how do we not have a Wangari Maathai biopic starring Lupita Nyong'o yet?)
> 
> I know this wasn't exactly light-hearted, but I hope this was cathartic for you, it was for me. I remember seeing Age of Ultron in theaters and feeling sick to my stomach when Nat followed her sterilization story with "You still think you're the only monster on the team". The fact that that garbage was in a movie that big still makes my blood boil. People who can't have children are not monsters. I am not a monster. She is not a monster.  
> I also wanted to acknowledge and draw attention to the very real history of forced sterilizations in the US performed on marginalized groups and the devastation it caused. I know I barely scratched the surface here, but I hope, it's better than saying nothing. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading. Do something kind for yourself and for someone else.


End file.
